Conversations with Friends is a blog focused on one on one enlightening and entertaining conversations had with an assortment of accomplished professionals, thought leaders, and game changers. And yes, they are personal friends, and we are very proud of them. But, way beyond that, these are bright people with genuine passion and great insights who have wonderful stories to share. Through our discussions, we hope to present a bird’s eye into the unique nuances and points of view that make these conversations really interesting.
June 8, 2016 – New York, New York – This edition marks a BIG milestone in the young “life” of Conversations with Friends and I am so happy that you are with us to celebrate! And no, it’s not merely that we are releasing No. 8 on June 8th – although that is kind of nice!
Drumroll, please…. Conversations with Friends is thrilled to announce the launch of our LONDON edition. (insert trumpet sound).
A few years ago, when I was working at a global brand consultancy in their New York office, I had a lot of interaction with a few wonderful, smart, young colleagues in the London office. Being that the company was headquartered in London, we were constantly coming up with ways to get more traction in the US/NY market. One of the initiatives was to write a blog (yup, can you imagine?!) that involved both observing what was going on as well as interviewing “those in the know” about brands and culture trends that were popping up in both cities. It was great fun!
Well obviously, I am no longer there – or I wouldn’t be here (insert a wink and a smile!) But that’s not to say I didn’t make some wonderful friends there, one of whom is the terrifically smart and talented Martha McPherson. Long after both of us left the consultancy, we kept our conversations going – across the “pond” – about the trends and interesting things we noticed about what brands are doing to innovate. These often started with, “Check this out…” or “Did you see this?”…followed by in-depth conversations about things we both love to learn about.
As Conversations with Friends started up, Martha was one of the first people to comment on it. And as we typically do, we hopped on Skype and started thinking about new ideas. One thing led to another and the London edition concept was hatched, with Martha leading the charge.
Her first story with us, which you will get to read in just a few minutes, is oh so interesting – as it is not only very “on trend” (as I would expect nothing less from her) but it’s also about the human connection, which, at its core, is the essence of Conversations with Friends.
Without further ado, I am delighted to introduce you to my friend Martha…from London…
Thanks for the intro Hilarie! It is good to be part of the series and I’m looking forward to introducing some of my friends and starting a wider conversation with friends of friends of friends. It seems very appropriate to start with my wonderful friend Ann don Bosco, who is working on her own initiative to start conversations – a scheme to encourage strangers in the sometimes overwhelming, sometimes less-than-friendly city of London to start talking to each other, which has since exploded across the world. Talk to Me is a movement that aims to get people talking, through events, stunts, partnerships and research into breaking down barriers. The organization’s flagship event is Talk to Me day, a day-long celebration of talking with strangers, which takes over venues city-wide for discussion-sparking activities.
With dozen of studies reporting on the negative health and social impacts of loneliness, it seems like the next big wellbeing issue of the day, for both elderly people and the younger generation. When Ann and her co-founder Polly launched Talk to Me in London, it clearly resonated with their audience and people took up the challenge to launch the project around the world. Talk to Me day is now global, and is happening in New York this year on 16th July. Ann and I were introduced through mutual friends and ended up at a birthday brunch talking earnestly about social change over the poached eggs. Our catch ups since have always involved the perfect combination of ‘serious talk’, laughter and wine. To interview her properly and check in on how her venture, Talk to Me, is going, we met at a cute independent grocery store and wine bar called Greensmith’s, just south of one of London’s biggest commuter hubs, Waterloo station. After a couple of carafes we hadn’t yet got down to business and were still sharing stories and gossip. With the warning that the store was to shut in 40 minutes we got down to work….
Martha: Talk to Me (TTM) is such an interesting idea, and understanding of loneliness as a key social issue – especially in cities – is growing. It seems like you were a bit ahead of the curve in setting up Talk to Me a few years ago! How did you first get the idea for the initiative, and what was the pivotal moment in the idea’s development that started you thinking ‘I need to make this happen’?
Ann: It happened for me and Polly (my co-founder) in different ways but actually pretty much at the same time. I went to a workshop on social change with a fab organization called Social Fabric who aim to marry clever design with business thinking. We had to share the social issues we really cared about with the whole room and start generating solutions. My first thought was that people in big cities are really friendly but there is still loneliness. It’s a social problem that is so highly impactful on peoples’ lives but just doesn’t make any sense at all. My initial solution was a badge which said ‘Talk to me, I want to have a conversation’ – and it all just started from there. Simultaneously, my co-founder Polly was travelling the world, and found when sitting in cafes in Italy that there was a hum of conversation that would be missing from her usual London experience. People were talking to one another – to strangers – and enjoying it. This is maybe the more glamorous story, but for me it was the badge idea that really started something ticking in my head!
Martha: When I first heard about TTM, it chimed with me instantly, but I imagine there are some people who need more persuading! What are the most interesting reactions you have had?
Ann: Well, the first thing I did was to tell everyone about the idea. There was an initial group of people I spoke to who thought it was great and were unbelievably encouraging, which spurred us on. Thank you guys! You’re right that it’s an idea that gets lots of strong reactions. Some people think it’s just amazing, whilst some people don’t get at all, why you would want to talk to strangers. Funnily enough, this is borne out in research – academics Epley and Schroeder found in their study Mistakenly Seeking Solitude that around 50% of people want to talk to strangers and 50% don’t. However, through experiments, they found that once they got chatting, 100% of their study group had a positive conversation, leading to better wellbeing and higher productivity. I love what TimeOut wrote about us – that “99 percent of us are fantastic conversationalists, with thoughts, opinions, memories and the odd hilarious impression to share – we’re just too damn busy whizzing about the city to stop for a good natter.” It’s all about getting started.
Martha: How long did it take from the concept to getting the organization up and running?
Ann: I came up with the idea when I’d just graduated university, which was 5 years ago now. We established a company within 6 months and we had our ‘Talk to Me’ events and endorsement from the Mayor of London within the first few years. When we knew we had a strong offer, we applied for catalyst funding through the Royal Society of the Arts (RSA). Through them we got to trial the Talk to Me day concept in New Cross, which was really fun. The RSA funding was interestingly related to a Kickstarter campaign, which was brand new for us and as much about raising money as about socializing the idea and gaining support. We hadn’t even properly finished our page, and had sent it to our friends and family to kick off the funding, when all of a sudden it was featured on Kickstarter’s global newsletter – a newsletter which only features three projects a week, globally – and on the first day of going live! It was one of the coolest moments to be a project that Kickstarter thought was exciting. People kept getting in touch to ask how we’d done it, but it really just was the strength of the idea – how amazing is that? On the first day we got 50% of our target of £6,000. (Which is about $9,000 USD)
Martha: Give me a bit of the background. What is it about contemporary life that makes loneliness a problem? And what is it that a conversation with a stranger can give you that counteracts this?
Ann: For young people in particular, globalization and digital experiences seem to make us more connected but we are actually less so. We are on our phones all the time, but digital interaction is less fulfilling than real-life interaction. Social media also makes people feel like they are missing out, which isn’t helped by the fact that we tend to look at social media when we are bored and alone. There was a recent report called ‘Coming in from the Cold’ which found that the levels of loneliness for 18-24 years is around 48%, compared to older people where this was roughly 25%. Conversations with strangers are often some of the most impactful you can have, and if you’ve had a meaningful interaction with someone you don’t know, you tend to think about it for a long time afterwards. The focus from academic literature has been on ‘strong ties’ in terms of community connectedness – looking at family and friends as your key social interactors. The idea of ‘weak ties’ between unrelated people and strangers is only just beginning to be considered, so I think we might be a bit ahead of academia here. There’s a theory that you put on the best version of yourself for a stranger, as you want to make the best impression. My hypothesis is that you have nothing to lose so you have more interesting conversations. It also widens your horizons. In a big city you end up meeting people who are the same type of person as you – you do the same job, went through the same type of education, are in the same demographic. Talking to strangers puts a stop to that and it’s so refreshing.
Martha: Was it a surprise when people outside of London started picking up on the project too? I imagine it was hugely exciting…but did it blow your mind just a little bit too?
Ann: Definitely both! It was really touching that other people were interested. A lady in Arkansas sent me a letter which said, ‘I wanted to thank you for starting Talk to Me – loneliness is such a big problem and I’m glad people are doing something about it’. That was a great moment. Another group emailed from South Korea, who wanted to ask if they were using our branding right – we didn’t even know they were doing anything before that. Our aim is to see social change so having people halfway across the world using our logo is 100% fine by us – but it was completely surreal!
Martha: When someone speaks to you in public it is usually a bit of a surprise! What is your advice to help people get over this surprise and start talking?
Ann: Everyone knows how to do small talk, and the first thing lots of people do is mention something related to their surroundings – transport, the weather and so on. The next trick is how to continue the conversation. First, people look at you like ‘do I know you?’ and then ask themselves ‘are you a weirdo?’ Keep talking and that barrier goes away, which on average happens within 30 seconds to 2 minutes of talking. We have an amazing research partner, Gillian Sandstrom, who is a professor at the University of Essex and has done lots of work in this field. One of her insights is that everyone assumes they are less interesting than their conversation partner says. People have been tested just coming out of conversations and they always rate their own interesting-ness levels low, and those of their partner high. So remember, you are more interesting than you give yourself credit for.
Martha: How is the organization structured? Are you a non-profit or a social enterprise?
Ann: We are a social enterprise, and our social mission is written into the constitution of the business. Any profit we make goes right back into the business. Thinking about having a full-blown money-making arm of the organization doesn’t really make sense from a time-energy point of view. We have been approached by people who want us to work on Talk to Me merchandise, and we have also thrown one-off events in areas of London that are just developing their local communities, like Northbank, which has recently been becoming more vibrant. It could be cool to do more of that kind of thing one day, but our focus for now is making the Talk to Me days work really well and thinking about our impact as a movement, and supporting other organizations and people to make that happen.
Martha: What’s next for Talk to Me?
Ann: Our plans for this year are really exciting. Talk to Me Day is on the 16th July this year so we are getting geared up for that. The New York one looks like it will be amazing – we’re currently putting all the plans together so watch this space. There’ll be everything from picnics in the park to a report on loneliness and a debate on how we can do more to tackle the issue.
In the longer term, we are talking more and more with academics and other professionals who are working in this area and intend to build a network for change. Jan Gehl is a Danish architect who we have been in touch with – he believes that cities are currently build for cars and businesses, not for humans, and wants to change the way we do urban planning to facilitate human interaction more. We’ve heard people at a lot of our events mention that they don’t feel there is a structure that says ‘it’s OK to talk’.
They had this sorted in Ancient Greece, where they had the concept of the ‘Agora’, a ‘place to talk’ where people met to hear announcements and to discuss politics, which I think was important for public life. We would love to put together a team for change or ‘Conversation Coalition’ of experts who know the best way to transform our cities into social spaces, and use our collected knowledge to come up with long term solutions.
Thank you, Ann…for “talking” to me and for making the world a friendlier place!
Ann Don Bosco, Co-Founder, Talk to Me
Ann Don Bosco is a Senior Marketing Planning Manager at Public Health England. Here she works on the strategy, planning and evaluation for the some of the biggest behavior change campaigns in England of behalf of the UK government (including Change4Life and talk to FRANK). Prior to this she was Senior Insights Manager at Good Business where she consulted for a wide range of clients including the Gates Foundation, Coca-Cola and Kellogg’s on how to use marketing, business and brands for social good. Ann set up Talk to me with Polly Akhurst a few years ago to get people in big cities talking – since then they have run two Talk to Me days, been featured in many international newspapers and given a wide range of talks inspiring people to talk, including at Google, TEDx and the Royal Society of Arts.
Martha McPherson, London Editor, Conversations with Friends
Martha McPherson is Director of Communications and Marketing at The Brilliant Club, one of the UK’s largest educational access charities. She has previously worked at strategic brand consultancy, The Value Engineers, helping large and small brands in projects ranging from restructuring brand architectures to creating value propositions and innovating new products. She also previously interned in the Corporate Planning department at Infosys in Bangalore. She is a founding committee member of Eyedea, female millennials network in London.
Conversations with Friends
The blog was developed by Hilarie Viener as a way of sharing enlightening and entertaining conversations, she was having with many of her friends – who happen to be thought-leaders and game-changers. Hilarie is the founder of Viener&Partners, a brand and marketing consultancy based in Manhattan. She and her Partners have been fortunate enough to have worked with over 100 brands (and counting) from start-ups to Fortune 100’s, all over the globe. Prior to launching V&P, Hilarie was Executive Vice President, North America of The Value Engineers, global brand consultancy and President of branding and digital agency, WONDER. Ms. Viener is a graduate of American University’s School of Communication in Washington, DC. She began her career at Wells Rich Greene Advertising, then moved on to roles at Griffin Bacal, Lowe & Partners and BBDO.
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